THE PLAN

I FOUND THAT MR. HUCHERSON SNORED LESS IF TOTALLY INTOXICATED

AND FELT LITTLE PAIN WHEN I WOULD EXTEND MY FOOT INTO HIS KIDNEYS

TO MADE HIM ROLLOVER.

THUS THE EVENINGS EVENTS TO FOLLOW REQUIRE LITTLE EXPLANATION

AND WE CAN GET ON TO THE REAL DISASTERS

LEAVING OSWEGO, THE NEXT MORNING WE ENCOUNTERED KEN’S FIRST LOCK

AND MY FIRST ON 391

2 LOCKS TRYING TO TIE UP STARBOARD, CONVINCED US THAT

THE PORT SIDE WAS ADPTLY NAMED THAT FOR A REASON

SINCE THE ENGINE AND OPEN LAZERATTE PREVENTED ME FROM

VIEWING THE MASSIVE WALL I WAS CARRENING INTO AT A GREAT RATE OF KNOTS

WITH THE TILLER IN ONE HAND AND THE STERN LINE BETWEEN MY TEETH

TRYING DESPERATELY TO FIND NEUTRAL BEFORE WE SHOT OFF THE END OF THE

LOCK,THUS DEPRIVING THE LOCK MASTER OF HIS JOB

WE ACTUALLY FOUND PHOENIX AND WAITED 3 ½ HOURS FOR

THE INSPECTOR TO ARRIVE DUE TO A FOREIGN FREIGHTER’S ARRIVAL

EARLIER

WHEN HE DID ARRIVE I EXPLAINED I WAS CHANGING THE BOAT’S NAME TO STREGA

AND HIS GRANDFATHER WAS FROM THE ITALIAN TOWN THAT MAKES

THE RENOUNED BEVERAGE !

WE COULD THEREFORE DO NO WRONG AS HE ISSUED OUR CRUSING PERMIT

AND WISHED US BON VOYAGE

IN A STATE OF BLISS,THE NEXT 2 LOCKS HONED OUR TALENTS TO

THE POINT OF

GETTING COCKY !

IF THE LOCKMASTER OF LOCK #5 HAD A VIDEO CAMERA,

AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS WOULD BE $10,000 POORER

IF THERE EXIST ANY LOCKMASTER MAGAZINE OR PERIODICAL

THE NAMES OF HUCHERSON AND DYER ARE NOW IMMORTAL !

THE APPROACH WAS LETTER PERFECT

MY ANGLE TO THE WALL EXQUISITE

KEN POISED AT THE SHROUDS READY TO GRAB THE HANGING

LINE THAT WOULD PUT THE STERN RIGHT UP TO THE LADDER

THAT I WOULD CALMLY DRAPE THE BOATHOOK ONTO

AS THE LITTLE MOTOR IDLED TO A HUM.

KEN LOOKS BACK TO INFORM ME OF DEBRIS IN THE WATER AHEAD

AND SUGGEST WE DODGE AND RECOVER A LITTLE FARTHER INTO THE LOCK.

SURE,,,,,,,WE CAN DO THAT AS I INCREASE SPEED TO GET THE NECESSARY STEERAGE

IT IS AT THIS TIME THE SUBMERGED FENCE POST RISES LIKE LEVIATHAIN FROM THE DEEP AND FIRMLY ANCHORS ITSELF VERTICALLY BETWEEN THE RUDDER AND THE PROP EFFECTIVELY SLAMMING THE ENGINE INTO DEAD MODE AND LOCKING THE TILLER ON A COLLISION COURSE WITH THE WALL AND THE DEBRIS WE WERE GOING TO MISS BUT NOW WE ARE SPEEDING EVEN FASTER

KEN RUNS BACK TO THE COCKPIT TO TRY TO START THE ENGINE AS I HANG OVER THE STERN TRYING TO CLEAR THE PROP AND RUDDER. HOWEVER THAT PUT BOTH OF US ON PORT SIDE…………I.E. 500 POUNDS OF MOVABLE BALLAST CAUSING THE BOAT TO ALTER COURSE STRAIGHT FOR THE WALL! KEN CHANGES DIRECTION AND

HEADS BACK TO THE BOW TO FEND OFF JUST AS I CLEAR THE RUDDER AND TRY TO GET AROUND IT, WITH A MIGHTY SHOVE FROM KEN AND THE HELM FULL OVER,

WE MISS THE WALL BUT ARE STILL WAY TOO FAST TO TIE UP……….

BESIDES, WE ARE NOW HEADING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION,THE LOCK IS FILLING UP , THE CURRENT IS EDDYING ALL OVER THE PLACE AND WE STILL HAVE NO

POWER…..ONLY A VERY INSULTED MOTOR WITH AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM AND 20 FEET FROM LAND!

FOR AN ENGINE THAT STARTS ON THE 2^ND PULL EVERY TIME, IT TOOK 20 TO COAX IT BACK TO LIFE THAT DAY AS WE DRIFTED ALL OVER THAT LOCK

NOW HUMBLED, WE MADE A FEW MORE THAT DAY AND STOPPED IN CICERIO

FOR THE NIGHT WHERE I REALIZED I HAD LEFT MY VISA CARD IN THE BAR IN OSWEGO ! COLDLY CALCULATING MY OPTIONS RESULTED IN A

$150.00 CAB RIDE IN THE GRAY LIGHT OF DAWN TO RETREIVE IT !